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 6/20 Lawrence, Massachusetts 

Abandoned Friendly’s + palatial Dunkin Donuts

Front desk guy high as shit

Sang Lawrence (NJ) Toyota theme song

Never heard Boston accent

Body wash smells like Fruity Pebbles

6/21 Ogunquit to Rockland

First lobster roll of trip, served with lobster ale while beachside with new wife

Wife with PhD cannot figure out hotel sink

Incredible acoustics in bathroom

Instrumental song written and recorded pantless

Sad man on phone outside dive bar

“Hey sexy. What are you doing out in the WOODS?”

6/22 Rockland to Bar Harbor


Highbrook Motel puts the boutique hotel to shame

I love when I see her take pictures because it means that I will likely see a painting of this scene at some point

“I appreciate being partnered with someone in the Carry Community”

Listening to contra dance band Last Exit as we take first drive around Acadia

Probably unintentional, but as soon as we told waitress we were in town for our honeymoon, restaurant played two different versions of “The Thrill Is Gone” in a row

6/23 Acadia 

Hello yesterday’s underwear my old friend

There is a popover shortage at the park’s restaurant

We emerge victorious

“You ain’t spoiling my sunrise”

Comically frazzled bus driver, on his first day of work the new season, recounts story of putting rude rider in his place

Warned us that his Maine humor might come out

Beauty of Acadia cuts through my fatigue 

I’d become obsessed with visiting a chain store I’d never heard of before

Marden’s did not disappoint

One of these stores where everything seems to have fallen off the back of a truck

Fluorescent lights that could drive you to murder after a week

Took a photo with an old-timey little boy mannequin

Regretted not asking if he could be purchased

New underwear acquired

Nighttime in Bar Harbor

It started raining so we went under this gazebo where, luckily, there was an unattended piano

Science professors and/or students soon joined us

“Maybe she gets turned on by fruit flies being destroyed”


Nicky’s olive drab pants make people thinks she’s a local

Maine quickly Mained-up our respective looks

Found dirt-cheap fleece jacket with labels all ripped off at store called Label Shopper

Mom would be proud of this deal and proud that we are driving her old car up and down this big ol’ mountain

Drove to top of Cadillac Mountain and scored most scenic parking spot of my life

Kept bad U.S. news to self while Nicky sketched

Questioned my impulse to stay connected to internet during trip


New underwear surprisingly skimpy

Very flattering, but not my style

Nicky forgot her wedding ring so I’ve been trying to pick her up in public places

So, you from around here?

The self conscious tour guide on the sunset cruise

Funniest character we met on whole trip. 

Told her as much afterward and she said she left early because she wasn’t sure if anyone was amused

I told her I could relate

Asked her to start a podcast and email me about it

Sadly, she cannot email me as she doesn’t know who I am

6/26 leaving Bar Harbor

Eavesdropping before leaving Highbrook Motel, the most impressive lodging of the whole trip

Sandy and Wade are not getting along

Sandy is up in New Jersey now with the kid, but she insists she will go back to West Virginia

Sandy is a fuck up and Wade is a deadbeat. 

And don’t get me started on Jess

Pass sign for “Lobster Fighting” and resist urge to stop

Thundermist Road makes me want to write a song

6/26 Augusta, Maine

The only time I will ever be in Augusta

Eerie mannequins in window of wedding dress shop seemingly abandoned in 1998

Pizza at brewery

“Is Pepsi OK?”

“The white people restaurants in Maine skimp; you gotta go to the black ones” (overheard)

“I’d be mad if I gave you the volcano.”

“It’s the cleanest smoke you’ll ever have.”

6/26 Portland

No free dessert on the whole trip

Will have to play the honeymoon card for a few more months

Raspberry sorbet with lit candle arrives moments later

Parked one block away from amazing popup drag show

6/27 Maine to New Jersey

The drummers who helped me drive the four-hundred miles include Chad Cromwell, Joey Kramer, and Bill Berry

The coffee that helped me drive the four-hundred miles included a cappuccino from The Holy Donut and a Dunkin Donuts in the Boston area

Still hanging out together at home after a day in the car

This bodes well

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